ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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