there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
