hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
