R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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