I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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