So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...