i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it glows. i had to have it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.