Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol