i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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