So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.