dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
