Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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