That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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