I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
