I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
