Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
