i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
