I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
