My hand turned me down
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
