Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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