Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
