I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
