Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So much rum. So many feels.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
