i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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