apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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