All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
