1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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