i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
