god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
