she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
