She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
