I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
