How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
