chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
