i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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