How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
