naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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