Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
