no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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