i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
