Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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