ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He did a backflip because drugs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
