You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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