Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they're like a gay fantastic four
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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