everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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