I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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