exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
