i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
