How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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