hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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