My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize