why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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