Duck Duck Cougar?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
