His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
