I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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