I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
