see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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