I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
