Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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