oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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