Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
