when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
