I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize