i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
