Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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