Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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