Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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