it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
