Your mouth is God's brothel.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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