Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
