Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
