Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
that may or may not have been my penis.
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