so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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